Cash is love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, This is what we have in the Cash's Garden Fund. Thanks to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We are overwhelmed and grateful.
Thank you!
Cash's Mommy

Happy St Pattys Day

So, being Irish and always loving St Patricks Day I would like to extend a Happy Day and all of you who read the blog. We spent the weekend avoiding Denver Parade and parties and skied. and Camped in the Van at the Basin(yes it was cold, but not that cold) and had dinner with an old friend Todd, who made us laugh and laugh and laugh. It made me realise that seeing old friends have a way of putting time into perspective. I am so impatient to have our house FULL of babies...and yet it's not and we are waiting. But seeing an old friend made me realise that time is just what it is, time. and that I am enduring the grief and sorrow and heartache and sadness and yet page and I can still have so much hope for the future together as Parents. We know they are coming...just not when.
So raise your glasses please: to old friends, new friends, hearts full of love and the laughter that brings us together.

To my brave son, my Irish Blessing.
All my love,
Cash's mommy

go mama go

So, I have been having a hard time, crying at the drop of a hat and then it goes away. I think that having all these new babies across the street from us is amazing...challenging.and as sign of things to come for Page and I. I had an old master Gardener friend ask me today aboutthe Garden Fund. It was the first time we spoke of Cash and it was ok to answer questions.
I also have realised that these days right now are all :memory days" Where Cash and I were crusing around, taking hikes with Mountain Mams or Daddy on the weekends. We were going shopping and starting to garden again....and he was with me every minute of those 16 weeks (except just a few) and I just miss him. I miss my Monkey kid who hung on me. 2 days ago I was sitting here working and I heard noises outside. I looked out the window to see 3 ladies pulling wagons, strollers full of babies. They were from the day care that Cash was going to go to and they sometimes take the kids down our street on their walks. I heard them say" this is Cash's house"....and just as they walked on my neighbor knocked on the door...and I just started to cry. He was so kind and nice to me. I have to take that as a sigh that babies are on their way to us...not as a sad thing. As much as I miss him there is this inner sense that it's all going to be ok.
There is this show on TV(yes, I am a HUGE TV person) called ' men In Trees' its' set in Alaska and there's a character named Cash. He is pretty sick, but the show itself has good meanings to its stories. Like this week I got" life always works out" I think my Dad would say that to me. I just have to stay strong in my beliefs that life will work it's way out for us.
You know I think about what God's plan for us is a lot. Why us? Why Cash? and then I believe that Cash came here to be a teacher to us, he teaches me daily to have love in my heart, to be kind, to be brave, to face what scares me. And being without him scares me but I have to face that every hour of every day. Have can I be with out my Heart and Soul. Shelly, my friend and teacher, has told me that for right now Cash is my Angel on my shoulder. I can feel him sitting there, cheering me on as I run and ski, grabbing my braids and yelling" go mama go!" so I am not without my Son just him physical body. And that was way to sick for his soul.
So off O go...trusting in the gut feelings I get, the" it's going to be OK and we;ll be together again' I trust that will happen...and Page and I will be joyously exhausted from lack of sleep...but i 'll take it.

All my love my sweet angel Cashie, mommy

a year ago today

a year ago today Cash was with us here on Earth. We were probably taking a walk around Sloans lake or down to Starbucks.......I miss my Son. I am trying to be compassionate thru all this grief. Show Compassion for others. It's hard....or I am making it hard. I miss my Son.